Sports Night Season 1 Episode 5: Mary Pat Shelby

May 31, 2011

and we’re BACK!

after an extended break from mocking one of my favorite shows, it’s on Netflix Instant and my interest in watching Dan Rydell parade around the set of Sports Night has piqued once more. let’s get to it.

pop quiz:

Mary Pat Shelby is…

A) a good name for a pet (like a turtle, or bird)

B) a state senator from Idaho

C) fictional example of women across the world getting beat downs and taking it!

what a TWIST this episode throws in your face! let’s just pretend i’ve never seen it and carry on as if nothing bad will happen.

so YAAAAAAY CSC landed an interview! in studio! not remote! movin’ on up like George and Weezie. Dana’s right: promote the hell out of this.

but with who? or is it whom? no one knows! is it Mary Pat Shelby? the next Billie Jean King of track and field? idk who she is, but she’s got a whole episode named after her so she must be a major sports star, right guys? stay tuned.

and now ladies and germs: the sub-plot to end all sub-plots: Dan wants to grow a goatee. he’s a grown man who knows what he wants! let him have it, dangnabit. he’s just going to list famous/awesome people with goatees until you all give in so why fight it?

well turns out this big interview is with some chap named Christian Patrick. he sounds hunky. Dan seems excited, and we all know Dana is bouncing off the walls. Dan agrees about the media promotion blitz. Natalie is also pumped, and she gets to go pre-interview Mr. Handsome! we’ve also deduced that he plays football because she’s headed to the Meadowlands and WHOA he’s a convicted felon? damn exciting stuff.

can anyone else believe it took Casey 3 whole minutes to show up in this episode? thank god he’s wearing his hush puppies. and Dan is sporting some classic Samba-esque Adidas kicks. he’s so perfect i can’t stand it.

Dana’s got some news. apparently these people called “lawyers” have some “conditions” for this upcoming sit-down with Chrissy Chrissy Pat Pat (that name was totally Tom Haverford inspired in case you can’t tell. food rakes). you can talk all you want about touchdowns and passes and towel snapping in the locker room, but you know what topic is off limits?

Mary Pat Shelby.

we quickly learn that she is not a track and field star, state senator from Idaho, or you Aunt’s pet bird. she was Christian Patrick’s girlfriend at one point, and wow he is decidedly un-handsome now that we know he throws ladies down stairs. who are you, Bruce Banner?

Casey’s right: Dana got beat like a drum. played like a fiddle. released like a spit valve. and they’re also mid-priced hookers. leaving money on the nightstand and whatnot. truth.

and here is what it boils down to: this guy is obviously not leading the campaign for model citizenship and everyone is aware of that, but Sports Night is in 3rd place, and any way to grab ratings should be taken advantage of. but at what price? publicizing a known and convicted abuser? this is what we’re dealing with here folks. except Dan, he gave his moral compass the day off. it needs rest from being so perfect all the time.

it seems like everyone is living on planet “well as long as it’s not affecting me directly i’ll let it slide”. this works well for people until it happens to one of their own. dun dun dunnnnnnnn.

Just then the breeze blows Natalie in from the storm. she looks cold and windblown. our favorite astute observer Jeremy immediately notices her wrist is hurt? those glasses kick ass, pal.

and then Dana starts telling jokes because no one thinks she’s funny or a jokey type of person. i think it’s always a bad sign when you have to tell people you have a great sense of humor.

Dan’s goatee would definitely be a lighting problem. and while Josh Charles looks fine sans facial hair, daaaaaaamn he looked good when he sported it during In Treatment. laaaaadies am i right?

and now it’s time to get serious: Isaac storms in with news coming from the Meadowlands! hark! apparently ole Shelby beater was spotted exposing himself to someone in the locker room that wasn’t a teammate. Casey’s eyes light up and Jeremy springs into action.

i have to say, the first time i saw this episode back in oh, 2006? i thought this was brilliant. bringing the story home. hit them where it counts. and i still think this episode is great because of the struggle that ensues. these people are in an interesting situation.

and not to cop out here, but i think i’ll just let the rest of the dramz speak for itself. it nicely runs the gamut of emotions and dealing with this kind of situation. it’s a whole new ballgame, kids!

in the end, Dana almost does a big thing badly, but you know what? she had to go through it to see the situation from all sides. so let’s tell some jokes! it’s what Natalie wants.


Quote of the episode: “that’s all going to change once i grow a goatee”

Who deserves a punch in the face?: well Christian Patrick definitely does, and not just for having two first names disguised as a full name. everyone who does is Satan’s spawn. i also want to add C. Patrick’s agent/manager/whoever that eagle face shaped man was. he looks like he fixes odometers at a used car shop or something.

Hot slut of the episode: Dana for the sole reason that her skirt was knee-length but also quickly took a turn into slutville with that slit/opening straight to the goods. well played.

Overlaying sports reference: are you ready for some football?!?! or is groping a sport?

Isaac cup o’ wisdom: “they work for me” re: Yiddish expressions. they really do.

Sideline Reporter du’jour: not today 😦

Witty dialogue rating: ehhh this wasn’t terrible, but it was definitely preach city. however, i really liked the set-up and conclusion of it, so you’re getting a pass today, Sorkin! however, the way Natalie delivered her “how much do you love me” line bothered me. like she misread it and no one bothered to correct her inflection.

Dan or Casey: Dan alongside Casey.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: