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at first it was this, but now it’s that

December 22, 2009

gaaaaaaag me. with a spoon preferably.

well, holiday movies are here! time to flood the theatres and watch in amazement/horror as things happen on screen. and if you’re wearing 3D glasses, you’ll probably feel ill about 25 minutes in. just me? ok, just me.

you probably think i’m referring to cloudy with a chance of meatballs. try again.

of course i’m talking about AVATAR. the beast that is Jimmy Cameron’s latest moneymaker. i have no further comments on the movie itself except: omg we get it, trees are beautiful; your fight scenes are waaaay too long; you spent all that time creating the perfect breast? i was let down AND I LIKE GUYS.

(and before i go on, i will say that i was entertained by the film, and visually it was stunning. it gets a thumbs up. i just wish 3D didn’t make me want to hurl)

my main complaint for this film was the love story. this is such a trend with me, i always hate the love story. but no, i don’t. i only hate love plots thrown into movies in which they don’t belong. This could have been an epic battle between evil GI Joe men and hotness Chad from That Thing You Do! against the blue dudes that haunt Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock (except not at all). but noooo…

Jake falling in love with Eva Rodriguez has NOTHING to do with what’s going on with the blue creatures and the humans. maybe a little bit, but it could have been completely omitted and the story would have been just fine. and less mushy. change a few things about the ‘betrayal’ and such and you’re set.

let’s cut to the core of what really bothered me: the classic “at first it was a mission/prank/challege/joke but now i really love you/feel something for you/want to make this work since i gave you herpes.”

ENOUGH ALREADY. why is this the excuse every person gives when they’re in love but betrayed someone in the process? can’t we get a little more creative? maybe not have people fall in love that are sparring against each other when they first meet? and we all know it’s coming to hit us like a ton of bricks too. more than three seconds of solid eye contact means game on. hollywood, surprise me next time and continue to have these clashing characters actually not fall in love. maybe have them joust to the death.

in my opinion, i would have enjoyed the movie much more if Uhura and Jake were just like a dynamic duo fighting off the evil humans instead of lovers who mated under the electro-tree. badass crime fighting buddies. Cagney and Lacey. Foster and Ursula.

i guess i shouldn’t have expected anything less from the man who brought us Titanic.

i’ll never let go, Jack.

*ok so i kind of love Titanic, but mainly for the shear power of that boat. and BILLY motherfucking ZANE.

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