cross hausfrau off my list

September 25, 2009

today my mom handed over the task of dusting the house. ‘just a light dust’ she said.

‘i’m sorry, a what? what constitutes a light dusting?’

‘oh you know, all of the surfaces in the house. mainly this floor’

‘yeah, ok.’

end scene.


so today, i dusted the house! just the main floor, and admittedly i did a horrible job. not really on purpose, but my kind of cleaning is the kind with results! i love to vacuum when someone sprinkles corn flakes on the carpet, or mop when someone spills juice on the linoleum floor. stuff you can see.

i guess my whole cleaning philosophy is ‘if i can’t see it, neither can you.’ i always wonder why people make such a fuss about having a spotless house when company is coming. i mean yeah, put away your communist propaganda posters and hide your children, but for god’s sake, no one is going to notice or expect you to have the carpet shampooed (unless it’s fresh from murder) every time they enter the foyer.

is it a need to be liked? approved of? that’s probably the gene i’m missing that would make me a good hausfrau. obviously i don’t want to live in a house of squalor, i pick up after myself regularly and am grossed out when personal space is a mess.

it’s the constant upkeep that drives me mad. i swear, my mom just ‘dusted’ the house for prints a mere three days ago. what gives? dust bunnies shouldn’t reproduce that fast. i know they must, but wow it’s exhausting. and having to vacuum when you don’t really see anything on the floor… gag me.

to finish this tale of my cleaning adventures, i dusted the family room tables, parts of the kitchen, the dining room (which no one has been in since last thanksgiving mind you) and the wood in between the banister(s) on the steps. just the ones in the foyer. i’m the only one that uses the back steps, and they look damn fine to me.

and by dust, i mean rolling the swiffer duster thing over surfaces in a half-assed manner. and let me tell you, whichever stranger enters the house next will most definitely comment on my dusting abilities. in a positive way of course.

i don’t think being a housewife or ‘stay at home mom’ (lol at the mom part amirite??) is ever going to be for me. i would be too busy watching The View and Dr. Oz to care about keeping up the home and hearth.

better get a job…

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