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I just want to share my pop secret with you!

September 28, 2008

why is popcorn so hard to eat? everyone always ends up looking like they’ve just learned how to use their hands for the first time. the pieces are strangely shaped and don’t fit nicely into your hand. they go rogue at a moment’s notice and spill out between your fingers. also, it’s greasy as hell. no one likes butterfingers. not dropping a football or the delicious candy bar, but the actual possession of butter on your fingers.

i recently bought some baby bags of popcorn. i can’t even say i’m a fan of the stuff, there are just times i want some. it’s a love hate thing. i’ve discovered that the only way to eat popcorn while maintaining your dignity is to not eat it out of the bag (you’ll end up with butter arms too). you must put it into a bowl and peck at it with your thumb and index finger, like a bird.

it’s exhausting to eat popcorn this way, and then you have to clean a bowl (not what i signed up for…) but it’s the only way to come away from the experience looking like you’ve done it before. and ah don’t even get me started on having kernels stuck in your teeth! especially in the wire brace that so conveniently keeps my bottom choppers in line. what a bitch, now i have to thread floss through it.

moral of this ridiculous story: i have 8 bags of popcorn up for grabs if anyone wants them.

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